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caroldamver:

clint barton is the kind of guy who can hit a fly from 100m away with a bow and arrow but if you yell think fast and throw something at him he will not catch it and it will hit him in the face

thestudentprincesss:

oh my god i just discovered a site where you can by bulk candy by color/flavor

you can buy two pounds of exclusively pink starbursts

you can buy endless red skittles

i never thought i’d see heaven

sweet-bitsy:

airbenderedacted:

mspgay:

mip mip mip mip

omg

I NEED FOUR HOURS OF THIS NOT FOUR SECONDS

siderealscion:

mALEFISHIENT, MARK

ive been meaning to make work-related comics forever, so enjoy some choice movie title bastardizations.

(these all actually, seriously, happened, with no humor or awareness on the part of the customer at the time as far as I could tell. so, yes, someone actually asked for a ticket to “Detergent” with a straight face.)

this-island-of-misfit-toys:

if anyone ever tells you to man up, just knock them unconscious and as they lie motionless of the ground, lean over them and whisper

"man down"

Anonymous
asks:
How do I make sure my gf doesn't catch me cheating on her?

alphabitches:

ok follow these simple steps:

1. pick up the trash
2. step outta ur house
3. open the trash can
4. step into the trash can

good now u r where u belong congrats!!!

goforeverforworseorbetter:

goodbye-old-friend:

today i found out that apparently if you kill someone in international waters on an unregistered boat then throw the body overboard they can’t trace it back to any one legal system so you can’t be prosecuted for their murder

so what did you do today

theverylostprincess:

daisyinaglass:

I CAN NOT GET OVER THIS

how does 6 seconds have such a drastic plot twist

glitter-gut:

stabmeintheneck:

this dudebro in my english class said that ophelia deserved to die because “she led hamlet on” and my teacher threw her book against the wall

your teacher’s aim sucks

vayena:

my aesthetic is the kid on the playground who tells all the other kids that ring around the rosie is about the black plague